The worst part of insomnia is its lonely. 

Ive never been able to sleep at night; I recall being 7 years old laying in bed at 4 am not being able to sleep.  When I was a child I would amuse myself by talking to imaginary friends until one day while having a rollicking conversation with John Wayne, who chose that evening to swing by the house and chat me up, about the nuances of Cowboys and Indians and how cool the Marines are and why having a yacht that doubled as a Coast Guard cutter was the best thing every in the history of John Wayne and the 8 year old he’s visiting right now, I realized I was talking to a dead man.  I was talking to myself.  I was talking to no one.  I didn’t stop talking to people who wernt there after that but I did start feeling guilty about it.

When I was a teenager I would imagine I was coasting though space in a silent pod and as an adult I listen to the sound of the fan and imagine it’s the huge rotary engine of a B-17.  I try and visualize every aspect of the plane Im flying on down to the rivets on the turrets and the ground whipping by.  This helps but my sleep is so fragile that even the least disturbance shatters it.

That is until around 5:20 am.  When the sky starts to turn that wonderful deep blue so clear and crystalline magical that the sapphires of the world look cheap as red eyed streetwalkers, then I sleep.  6 hours, maybe 7.  Not long, no, but placed so awkwardly on the clock its maddening.

So I never been able to sleep.  Ive no real idea how I made it through school other than just barely; I don’t know if my grades reflect laziness or exhaustion.  I know in life you can be one or the other but both will lead to trouble and low GPA’s.

Because I can’t sleep Ive pursed a career that is amenable to folks who don’t get to bed before 4 AM. My job at KUPD is a blessing I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  Sometimes I joke with Larry that when he gets around to firing me (because all DJ’s get fired) that its going to take a gun and a dog to get me out of the studio.

But sometimes I wonder what I would be doing if one of the best inventions of my 20’s wasn’t the internet but the 24 hour grocery store.  I know just where to get something good to eat at 3:45 in the morning in 8 US cities and two in Mexico and I can always give someone a ride home after a long evening but I can never drop them off anywhere if getting their before 1PM is important. 

The movie 28 Days Later starts with a man walking through a deserted London.  Streets strewn with trash but empty.  One of my friends noted how odd it seemed I noted that every city looks like that.  And they all do at 3:45 in the morning.

3:45 is the best time to see a place.  It’s before the delivery men start making their rounds and well after the drunks have made their way home.  Its so quiet you can hear the relays clicking in the traffic lights and the compressors that are the baseline of modern sound almost never on.  Its like walking onto a huge soundstage that looks just like your city.  And it kicks ass.  And its wonderful.  And its lonely.  And I know it very very well.

And I cant sleep.